


Burned

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, marauders - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Drinking, F/M, Jealousy, M/M, Marauders, Multi, Romance, Smut, aka lily and sirius, fake relationships, jily, seventh year marauders, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-26 21:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How must it feel to be hated by the one you love? Everyone who plays with fire is bound to get burned, and it takes a seventh year full of pranks, romance, and jealousy for them all to realize it. Only...for some it may just be too late. Includes James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Frank, Alice, and a whole lot of ships between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starts With A Bang

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I'm aiming for this to be about twentyish chapters long. Bear with me and I promise I'll try to tell a good tale! A kudos is always appreciated! Enjoy

"Padfoot?" The young messy-haired boy frowned up at the ceiling, calling softly to his friend. The friend in question was young Sirius Black, laying in the bed across the room. He was staying at his best friend's manor for Christmas break, unable to deny the request that he do so. Sirius, or Padfoot's, home life was not the coziest and he was treated better whenever he stayed with the Potters.

James Potter, the boy who had spoken, sighed before his friend answered. "Do you think she'll ever be with me?"

"Who?" Sirius laughed, his messy curls falling away from his face. Though James could not see it, his companion rolled his eyes. "Evans?"

"Yeah!" Though James was a mere thirteen years old, he had his heart set on a young red-haired beauty. Lily Evans, the smartest witch of their they were in the Gryffndor House at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry along with their other friends. There was only one problem.

"She hates you, mate," Padfoot couldn't help but feel like he was kicking a puppy as the words left his mouth. How must it feel to be hated by the one you loved? Sirius doubted he would ever know. Despite the rejection, James kept persevering which Sirius had to admire.

"I know, I know! But...that could change!" He gestured wildly to the ceiling, "We're only thirteen for Merlin's sake! We have our whole lives ahead of us!" The young boy's head was full of imagination, and not all of it was innocent. James was a thirteen year old boy, after all.

"Exactly! Prongs, you're thirteen! You could stop 'loving' her," he gestured quotes to the ceiling as well, "next year!"

James sighed, resting his hands on his chest. "I'm never going to stop loving Lily Evans...not even after the day I die. We'll have lived a long happy life together, with three kids! And a home by the ocean!"

Sirius laughed, used to his friend's denial by now. "Just as long as I'm Godfather."

"Moony will be too," James sighed.

The door to the room opened, revealing James's older mother. "Boys, go to bed! You've both got a big day tomorrow, get some sleep." She shut the door with feaux glares to both of them and both boys rolled over and closed their eyes.

"Night Padfoot."

"Goodnight Prongs."  
_

The day was hot and sticky, unusual this time of year. I wiped my bangs away from my sweaty forehead, hauling my trunk towards the train. I was determined to get there before my parents had a chance to make it through. It was ridiculous, yes, but I couldn't help it. I was sixteen going on seventeen, and I'd been a model daughter all of my teenage years. Until now.

"Lily! Lily Irene Evans!" I shuddered as I heard my mother using my full name. My middle name was a source of pain for me, though I dearly loved the grandmother for whom I was named after. She died when I was five, but I still visited her grave from time to time. Anyways, I was gunning for the train to my escape full-throttle when I knocked into a very large barrier.

Stunned, a tiny squeak escaped my mouth as I stumbled backwards. The barrier turned out to be a person, who turned out to be the last person I wanted to see at the moment.

"'Ello, Evans," Potter winked, grabbing my forearm to steady me. I couldn't hold in my groan as he seemed to slide into his usual 'charming' routine. "You should be more careful; you could hurt yourself."

It was the heat of the moment, and I was still trying to escape my parents, so I didn't have the time for our usual hindrances. "James, please get out of the way I need to-"

Alas, I had not been quick enough. I felt my father's hand before I heard his voice. "Lily Evans, don't you ever pull that stunt again! You're sixteen years old, not two! I…" For just about two seconds I felt relief that Potter was actually in my vicinity, but it quickly turned to regret when I realized Dad had not only noticed James, but had zeroed in on his hand. Which was still around my arm. I felt my uncontrollable blush creeping its way into my cheeks.

"Who are _you?"_ I liked to think of my dad as scary, what with his weathered face and orange scruff. If I had been Potter, I'd have turned and run the other way. But no, the fool just stood there, staring at my dad like he was in a daze.

Finally he blinked and answered in a thoughtful voice. "I'm James." He cleared his throat, "James Potter, sir."

"I see." My dad was on the police force, and had a way of intimidating people with a single look. The same look he just happened to be giving Potter right now. My mother, on the other hand, seemed to have forgotten about my wrongdoings and was staring at James thoughtfully, twirling her blonde hair between her fingertips. I wanted to hide my face in my hands and stay that way for the rest of eternity.

"Is there a reason you're holding my daughter?" I could practically hear the unnecessary testostorone bubbling.

"She ah, she bumped into me. I was…helping her." Potter's eyes flickered to me and I had to use all my power not to roll my eyes. It took a lot.

I decided to clean up this train wreck and get the show on the road. I brushed Potter's hand off of mine just as his partners in crime showed up. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin sprinted to their friend's side, causing my dad's eyes to widen.

"Er, sorry to bother you sir, we just-" Remus, ever the gentleman, was trying to be polite. But I didn't have time to be polite and the train's warning whistle gave me the perfect excuse. "Mum, Dad, we have to go. I really am sorry for what I did, but she'll get over it! I love you, okay? We don't wanna be late."

I turned to Sirius, who was now standing closest to my trunk. "Help me with my bags, B- Sirius?" The little shit grinned and gave a half bow, "Sure thing, Picalily."

I noticed my dad and Potter tense, but brushed it off and put my hands on Remus and Potter's backs, pushing them towards the train. "Okay, let's go, go, go. Bye dad, mom; love you guys!"

Sirius seemed to be wilting under the weight of my trunk and I grinned as I sped the three of them away. "Too heavy for you, Black?"

"No way." He gritted his teeth, "What the fuck do you keep in here? Bricks?"

I noticed Potter staring at me, so I stared right back with a raised eyebrow. "Is there a problem, Mr. Potter?"

"Why are you talking to us?" He blurted, and I watched as his cheeks lightly colored. Potter ran a hand through his messy onyx hair, eyes darting away. He seemed…different this year. Something had changed, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"I had to get away from my parents," I shrugged, deciding on the truth. "I didn't mean to run into you, but you distracted my parents so…" I had to pretty much choke the words out, "Thanks, James." I blinked, realizing I'd said his first name again. I usually only reserved that for our full-blown arguments. He noticed it too.

"Well…I suppose you're welcome. After all, who wouldn't want to be saved by the infamous James Potter?" He grinned cockily, and I rolled my eyes as his usual attitude washed over him.

"Infamous is a bad thing to be," I commented, before taking my trunk from Sirius. I lifted it onto the steps of the train, glancing behind me. "I'm sad to say I won't be seeing much of you all since I'll be living in the Head quarters. Farewell, lads."

"What? But you will be seeing us? Or at least me…seeing as I'm a Head this year too." I almost laughed, but I turned to face Potter in the corridor.

"Nice try, Potter."

"It's true! Didn't they tell you? I was too irresistible to pass up for the job!" I rolled my eyes and opened the door to an empty compartment.

"Yeah right. McGonagall would rather die than make you a Head!" With that I turned and slid the door closed.

"I resent that!" He called through the door, and I heard Sirius laugh.

"And I resent you! Goodbye now!" I slid into my seat, listening as I heard the three of them walk away, Remus and Black laughing at Potter. I sighed as I stared out the window, watching the scenery slowly speed up. At least my seventh year had started with a bang.


	2. Meet and Greet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The students are only just on their way to Hogwarts and the dramas already beginning.

My friends soon tracked me down, busting into my empty compartment. Marley was my best girl friend, and we were often referred to as the Twins. We were both 5'6", only she had curly light blonde hair, unlike I, who had a darkish red color. Our eyes were both green, except mine were more of a grey-green than her sparkly light ones.

She'd dragged her boyfriend in, Frank Longbottom. Frank and I got along well, the both of us being prefects. He was an easygoing guy, who always knew how to listen. When they entered I got up to hug the both of them as we exchanged greetings. I'd slept over Marley's house for a week in the summer, but otherwise I'd barely seen her. Frank, she, and I met up in Diagon Alley right before we'd gotten our letters; just to hang out. That time I'd felt more like a third wheel than a part of the group, but I didn't really mind.

"I missed you! We pretty much never go to see each other!" Marley kissed me on the cheek, leaving a sticky print on my cheek from her lipgloss. She always wore makeup, though not much. It was just enough to accent her beauty, but still more than the usual eyeliner I wore. We differed at our style; I preferred sweatshirts and plaid while she preferred skirts and flashy dresses.

"I know, I know! It was practically torture!" I laughed, feeling happier, reminiscent of our good times over the past three years.

"So?" Marley prompted, searching my chest. I knew what she was looking for, trying to hide my grin. I hadn't sent her a letter, wanting to tell her in person. At the start of August I'd received the usual supply list from Hogwarts as well as a letter from the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. I'd been appointed Head Girl, an achievement I was pretty proud of. Last year I'd moved out of sixth year at the top of my class, with Potter in third and a girl named Emile Sanders in second.

I thought back to Potter's words earlier and wondered if it was true. Could he really be Head Boy? I hoped to God he wasn't. "I'm Head Girl!" I squealed, hugging her. We jumped up and down in our own celebration, Frank watching us with an amused smile.

"Who's Head Boy?" He asked, situating himself across from Marley and me's seats. I sprawled down across the bench, my feet resting in Marley's lap. "I dunno, but I'll find out. I have a meeting with McGonagall and the new Head Boy in like...half an hour. Then when I get to the castle I have to visit Dumbledore." I sighed, staring out the window. This was my seventh year, my last year attending a magical school that had become a second home for me. I wondered what would change.

"I..." If they found out about my pleasant encounter with James fucking Potter, they'd hound me all about it for ages. Having a civil conversation with him was like Hell freezing over, and it'd probably feed the fire of rumors that I liked him. Which I didn't. Potter's an arrogant bully, who does nothing but cause trouble and break girl's hearts. "I have no idea. Could be anybody."

The next half hour was spent catching up, until it was time for me to go. Usually Frank and I would've been with the prefects from the get-go, but he'd asked to be relieved of his duties. I left the two lovebirds alone, glad I'd escaped just before the makeout session had begun. I was practically skipping down the hall, unnecessarily giddy. That was until a rude Slytherin roughly pushed past me, almost causing me to fall over. I glared at him, brushing off my robes. I figured I should change into them before the meeting, but this red-haired boy still hadn't changed into his.

"You should change," I said coldly, turning to continue my path. My feet had only taken me a few steps when he spat out a reply.

 _"I don't take advice from mudbloods."_ I flinched but kept walking, my mood beginning to darken. When I reached the desired compartment everyone else was already there. Including Potter.

"Sorry I'm late, I had a er, run-in with a Slytherin." I avoided Potter eye's, standing in front of Mcgonagall stiffly. She nodded, seemingly unconcerned. I took the seat next to Potter, trying to swallow my shock. _How could he be Head Boy? He hadn't even been a prefect for fuck's sake!_

"As both of you know, you two have been appointed as the Head Boy and Head Girl for your seventh year. I must admit I was not shocked to hear that you had been chosen Miss Evans," Professor Mcgonagall smiled warmly at me. "You, on the other hand, Mr. Potter, was quite a surprise."

Potter laughed lightly, "To you and me both, Minnie."

Mcgonagall rolled her eyes, clearing her throat. "You'd do well not to address me as such, Potter. Moving on, you both should understand that you will be expected to patrol the halls after curfew, plan the balls and dances of this school year, and live together in your co-educational dormitories." She paused, looking at the two of us over her glasses. I felt conflicted about this year, doubting it could go well if Potter and I were in such close proximities. Potter seemed to be excited, almost leaning forward in his chair. "Knowing your histories, I have the feeling that you will have difficulties getting along. If you cannot behave as Heads should, you _will_ be returned to your former statuses, is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," we mumbled in unison. I wanted to stick my tongue out, the thought of living with Potter almost sickening.

She continued to stare for a moment or two, making me shift in my seat. "That will be all," She pursed her lips. "I wish you both the best of luck. Merlin knows you're going to need it."

I exhaled deeply and got up, Potter following close behind me. "This year should be fun. Eh, Evans?"

I ignored him and kept walking, wanting to get back to my compartment as soon as possible. My chest felt like it was tightening and I clenched my fists. I was beginning to get anxious about this year. I took deep breaths as I walked, blocking everyone else out. This year was going to be perfectly fine, right?

Right...?

Wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the chapters are so short! I'm working on making them longer. My goal is at least 2000 words a chapter!
> 
> As always comments and kudos are appreciated!


	3. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily's got a bit of a problem, but she'll never take anything as a disadvantage.

When I was little, my mother used to tuck me in each night with a bedtime story. I'd clutch the soft, silky bear my father had given me and snuggle into the pillows as she read. It made me feel safe. As the years passed, I got fewer and fewer stories, but I never let go of the bear. I came to realize that it was he who made me feel safe, and from the time I was little until now he was my security.

At the age of twelve I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder. It didn't usually manifest so early in age, but it was still late enough in my life to occur. Over the past five years I'd had six panic attacks, which are very unpleasant let me tell you. Though my mother was reluctant I was put on antidepressent medication, which seemed to help. The medication was not a cure unfortunately, but it did allow me to overcome many of the obstacles of Panic Disorder.

I was told that I'd most likely be unproductive, and later unemployed in life. Relationships of pretty much any kind were foretold to be difficult for me. Even as a little girl I was stubborn, so when I was told all this I just used it as more motivation to study and do my work to the best of my ability and I tried to be kind to anyone I met, hoping to make friends and prove the doctors wrong. I refused to be a failure like they predicted, not if I could help it.

James Potter was a different story when it came to relationship. After I was diagnosed in second year, he became all the more infuriating to me. My friendship with Snape was the closest I had to anyone ever, and Potter would come to try to muck everything up. I admit the loyalness I'd had to him was misplaced, but I didn't regret our friendship. We turned out to be different people, but we'd started out together as one and the same. The end of our fifth year at Hogwarts was the second to last time I'd had a panic attack. I had cut the ties of my withering friendship with Severus and everything seemed to be falling apart.

A friend I'd been getting close to for about the past year had found me, and our friendship grew unbreakable on that day. Marley Mckinnon has been my best friend ever since, and I owe her everything for it. Though she seemed to be the girlier out of the two of us, she could really pack a punch. I don't know where I'd be without her.

Having said all this, it must make sense that I was beginning to become extremely nervous as I followed my Head of House to my new dormitory. The meeting with Dumbledore had been brief and slightly repetitive, we'd had twenty minutes to eat and now McGonagall was laying down the rules of our new housing. We'd share another Common Room, as well as a bathroom. Our rooms would be on the same floor as the Common Rooms, as the Head Boy and Girl should be trusted not to do anything inappropriate to each other while they slept.

Potter was walking beside me, unusually quiet. I wanted my last year here to be the best out of all, and he was the one standing in the way of that. If he could just stop acting so childish, so immature ; I think he could be tolerable. This being my seventh year, I could settle for tolerable.

"If you take a picture it'll last longer," he said, jarring me from my thoughts. I blinked, realizing McGonagall was a few feet ahead of us now. He was smirking, and I could feel my face heating up.

"I wouldn't want to break the camera," I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes. Potter's eyebrows raised, making me want to smile. Usually I was not so snidely, not so early in the year, but I wasn't in the mood to play games this year.

"Fiesty," he recovered, winking at me. "I like a girl with some spunk."

The urge to laugh was irresistible and I threw my head back, filling the corridor with laughter. "You did not just say that," I giggled.

Potter smiled at me and I realized I was smiling back. The smile disappeared from my face and I glanced out one ot the windows. I shouldn't be laughing with James Potter; I hated him for fuck's sake. Where were our usual rows? Some of them had taken me close to attacks, so I shouldn't miss them and I didn't. The lack of them made me suspicuous, though.

Then again, hadn't I felt like Potter had changed in some way? Maybe he'd finally moved on from me, like I always knew he would. I deliberated this, glancing at him as we continued to walk. His tufty black hair was as messy as usual, and he still stood a good four inches taller than me. The way he walked seemed to have changed though. It was more subdued; like there was less of air about him.

I frowned at the ground, wanting to shake my head. Was I really considering talking to him? I couldn't just forget all the bullying and misdemeanors from the past, but maybe I could just try to over look them slightly? I think a truce between us could maybe benefit the both of us...

"Here we are," McGonagall stopped us both in front of a small tapestry with the Hogwarts Crest emboldening it. We were just about a corridor down from Gryffndor Tower, so it would be easy to visit the others. She pulled away the tapestry and tapped the wall behind it with her wand. It melted away to reveal the door to our dormitories. I stepped in, excited as I caught view of the fireplace and the couch. Something about the independence appealed to me.

"I'll leave you two to unpack. Your two wands are the only two able to unlock the wall," she pursed her lips, "I imagine that won't stop you from bringing guests." At this point Potter smiled sheepishly. "Tomorrow I'll be giving you the schedules for fifth year and above. Both of you will be expected to hand them out as the other students eat, so I suggest you get to breakfast earlier than they do." Mcgonagall seemed to relax now, her shoulders slumping slightly. "Congratulations to you both. To have both Heads from my house..."

I glanced at the ground, a blush creeping onto my cheeks. "Well I'll leave you to it." Professor Mcgonagall left the room and we stood awkardly across from each other. My mind was a string of shouldisayitshoukdidoit and I held my elbow. Potter ran his fingers through his hair and turned toward the bedroom on the left. "Po-James!"

Stunned, he turned back around to face me. I could tell he was confused and I almost grinned. "Lily?" Potter asked tentatively. I felt my toes curl as it fell from his lips and I blushed harder. "I..." I really didn't want to regret this. "I think we should be...friends."

Friends seemed to be the best thing to aim for. They didn't have to talk all the time, and they were allowed to be arses to each other if need be. I was hoping he'd lay off me, not just on flirting but with the whole thing. I'd kept my secret from everyone in this school but Severus, Marley, and the teachers and I intended to keep it that way. People would think less of me if they knew.

The shock on his face made work not to laugh; it was almost cartoonish. Potter's eyes were wide and his mouth seemed to be hanging open slightly. I shifted my weight a few times, my cheeks surely red by now. I walked a few feet towards the room on the right, now holding both of my elbows. "It was a stupid idea, sorry." My hair created a shield as I stared at the grey carpet. "Um, good night, I guess."

"Wait! Lily!" Potter called out just as my hand twisted the knob. I sighed and turned my head to face him, face blazing. He was smiling like an excited two-year old. "I think that's a good idea."

I forced a small smile to my face and said softly, "Okay."

It was getting late and I still had to unpack my trunk, so I hurried into the room leaning against the door when I shut it. The room wasn't all that different from my old dorm; the only added things were a small bookcase and a desk pushed against the wall next to the door. All the walls were stone and the rug that covered most of the floor was black. The small furnace was in the corner next to the desk. There was a larger window under the bed and across from that wall was the black desk and bookcase.

I began unpacking, stowing my lacier panties and nightdresses at the bottom of the chest at the foot of my bed. If James Potter weren't the one in the room next to mine, then maybe they could've had a higher placing, but I honestly didn't trust him or his little group of 'Marauders' not to steal them. I let my bear rest on the pillows, since I would need him soon.

By the time I had everything placed it was almost ten, so I changed into my sweatpants and camisole and climbed into bed. The room seemed to be too empty; I was used to four other girls in the dorm at Hogwarts or at least the family cat Jazz at home. I tried to remember the spell I'd read in a Healing book. It gave the illusion of some comforting element to the patient.

Just as I was about to start shaking from the unnecessary fear, I rememebered. Raising my wand, I whispered, "Confortaris," into the black. My heart calmed its speeds as I heard waves I knew weren't there. They brought me back to when my family would take us to America and we'd stay in a cottage on the beach. My older sister Petunia and I would play in the water for hours. But that was a long time ago. Tucking my bear under my arm, I turned to lay on my side.

I drifted off to sleep, playing with the ends of my hair, falling into memories of better times. Times where I was unaware of prejudices and the ongoing war against Voldemort. A lot of people, including muggleborns like myself, feared him to the point of being afraid to say his name; as if it was a jinx. I was not one of those people. Though I was not always a part of the wizarding world, I did always have people to fear. I never saw the point in not saying his name; it didn't make the threat of him less. My mother always said I was stubborn as a mule, but as wise an owl. I'd tell her owls weren't wise and she'd laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! Tell me what you think!


	4. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Marley…” The whole situation was so complicated. Change, change, change. I was changing, he was changing, we were changing. I felt a tug in my chest as I heard his loud laugh, and I could see him in my mind’s eye; tipping his head back, laughter flowing through him. Fuck. I closed my eyes tight, and dared not speak above a whisper. “I think..I think I like James Potter.”

Handing schedules out was certainly a task. I wasn't exactly antisocial, but there was no way I could know everyone in the three grades Head Girl was designated to distribute. James, on the other hand, seemed to be having an easier time than me, which caused frequent scowls as the competitiveness rose up in me. Finally, I bit my cheek and asked the remaining Marauders if they knew which names went with which students. These four seemed to be the most social in the school and I'd be surprised if there was one person above fourth year who hadn't had a run in with them. 

To my surprise they cooperated willingly, save for Peter, who looked nervous every time I spoke to him. I had to go back to them three or four times and James even joined us once or twice, extremely curious as to why I was within two feet of his friends. 

I avoided the gaze of Marley as I set about getting everyone the correct schedule with help from the boys. Obviously my truce with James was going to be discovered quickly, but that didn’t mean I wanted to explain it. Escape from Marlene McKinnon was unheard of, so I decided to just evade until our first class together. To my extreme, unfortunate luck, I found myself in Transfiguration with Marley, Frank and all of the Marauders. 

My usual seat was in the third row back and third seat from the end. Frank and Marley sat in their own seats next to me, Marley practically burning holes through the back of my skull. Before the explanation could begin, Potter himself plopped down next to me with Sirius on his other side. Remus and Peter took their usual seats behind us, Peter playing with a bit of parchment and Remus rolling his eyes. 

“Potter,” His surname came slowly from my lips as I turned to him, “what are you doing?”

The stupid git grinned toothily and ran his fingers through his hair, “Why, I’m preparing to enjoy a nice transfiguration lesson taught by my dear old professor.” 

I repeated the word, _truce_ over and over again in my head, restraining my temper. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I turned to Marley, flinching as I did so. She was staring at me with wonder in her green eyes, flicking between me and Potter. “Marley.” 

“What was all that at breakfast? Why were you with the Marauders?” Marlene was my best friend and I’d feel horrible if I lied to her. The only problem was, how could I explain why I’d done what I did when I didn’t understand myself? I settled for the simplest explanation possible.

“Potter and I are friends. It’s better for everyone.” Before I could say much more, McGonagall strut in, putting a stack of papers on the table up front. I could feel Marlene’s confused gaze on me, but I clenched my fists and focused on the Professor.

“It’s good to see you all. I hope you are finding your first day of your last year satisfactory. Seventh Year Transfiguration is no easy task and requires doubly the hard work from last year,” She pursed her lips, but dropped her shoulders. “I have confidence in all of you that you will pass with flying colors.”

Sirius Black whistled, his dark hair falling into his eyes. I rolled my own and ignored James’ glances at me. These were regular occurrences and I’d become adept at tuning him out. “That will be quite enough, Mr. Black. Now for your first day, we will be reviewing the simpler things from sixth year. Everyone pair up!”

Marley and Frank leaned closer together and I looked around the room helplessly. Mary Strugbort was timidly tapping on Peter’s shoulders, so I grabbed Remus’s hand. “Hey, partner.”

He laughed and shook my hand off of his wrist, and nodded, “Partner.”

I made my way into the seat next to Remus, avoiding Potter’s gaze. I felt a knot twist in my stomach as I sat down. Too many people had stared at me today and I was getting anxious about it. My fingers twisted together as I faced Remus, trying to calm myself down. “How was your summer, Remus?”

“Fine, fine,” he answered a bit too quickly and I threw him a sympathetic gaze before I remembered that he didn’t know that I knew. Remus Lupin was a werewolf, transforming every month into a monster. He caught my look before I could hide it and his cheeks colored. “What about yours?”

I thought about Petunia, my older sister. She’d been an absolute horror this summer, terrorizing me in any way she could. Petunia never crossed the line of sending me into an attack, which was better than nothing I guessed. My parents ignored our fighting, only stepping in when it was extremely necessary. “It was...alright.” 

“Your sister?” I’d told Remus about my sister last year, when I was crying in the back of the library from a nasty letter she’d sent. He'd patted my back and shared a chocolate bar with me, and I'd counted him as a definite friend ever since.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “She threw a shoe at my head and I had a huge bruise for a week and a half.”

“A shoe?!” Remus’ eyes widened and I laughed bitterly. “Lily, that’s horrible.”

“Let’s just do the lesson,” I changed the subject, the knot in my stomach tightening. He nodded and we began enchanting tea cozies into plates. I noticed that Potter looked angry about something, but I thought nothing of it. Sirius had probably showed him up or something. Our eyes met as he glanced back at Remus and me. 

I blushed, and stared at the wood of the table beneath my arms. Something had changed this year, something drastic. Unfortunately I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what that change was. I felt disconnected; as if I was thinning out and being stretch opposite ways. Hell must have been freezing, because I was positive I’d smiled at James Potter more times in the past two days than I had in all of sixth year. 

The rest of the morning went smoothly until lunch. Marley still had not gotten a chance to properly grill me for every detail she could squeeze out. Today’s entree; Lily Evans, served with a side of potatoes and green beans. She plopped down next to me and I was thankful that the Marauders had not sat with us. “Lily. Explain.”

“Well…” Where was the beginning? “Yesterday I was on the run from my parents and I ran into James and my dad stared him down. Then we got on the train and we were heads and I was distracted and I got to my new dormitory and I said truce, a truce, can you believe it? Now here we are and I-”

Marley held up a hand, “Calm down, Lily. I just don’t understand what’s happened all of a sudden. I’ve listened to you for years about how you absolutely _loathe_ James Potter. Now you’re sitting next to him and blushing?”

“Marley…” The whole situation was so complicated. Change, change, change. I was changing, he was changing, we were changing. I felt a tug in my chest as I heard his loud laugh, and I could see him in my mind’s eye; tipping his head back, laughter flowing through him. Fuck. I closed my eyes tight, and dared not speak above a whisper. “I think..I think I like James Potter.”

I was going to be sick. 

In that moment, as I attempted to contain my mess of feelings, I realized what had changed. James Potter had not asked me out once and I, foolishly, had a change of heart just in time to have it broken. 

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm such a shit writer! I'm trying to improve, honestly! Anyways, thank you for reading and don't be afraid to comment or leave a kudos. Ho[e you enjoyed :)


	5. Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fine! I’m done. I’m _done_ with you, Lily Evans!” Potter’s robes swayed as his arms moved about, and I could practically see the blood pumping through his veins. My own anger faded quickly and I felt as if I was falling, crashing and burning to the ground.

The next few days passed without much stress, and I was thankful for that. I had enough on my mind trying to unravel my feelings for James Potter. Marley’s mouth had dropped open that day in the Great Hall, and I’d felt my face redden and I just shook my head and turned away. She knew enough not to push it when I was like that and so we’d left it alone. 

I was so confused. Everything that used annoy me to no end about James Potter didn't anymore. How could I have changed so much? I tried to avoid Potter, but he found me wherever I went, trailing along. He still hadn’t asked me out, which I was thankful for. I doubted I could say no so convincingly anymore. 

The Marauders had kicked off the year with a prank that magically bewitched all the Slytherin first years’ hats to turn into big fat toads. The Slytherins were angry and attempted to strike back, but all that had resulted was a vengeful, bald Sirius Black. His hair had been returned to it’s previous voluptuousness by the end of the day, much to everyone’s disappointment. 

The teachers had not begun giving out loads of homework and kept the topics in class mostly review. Surprisingly, there were few deaths or attacks listed in the Daily Profit, and everyone seemed to be cheery. 

On Saturday, however, I woke up in a mood. I’d drop things and trip and swear angrily under my breath. James following me around like a little puppy dog did not help my mood at all and finally, when I was on my way to the library, I snapped. He’d strolled up next to me, and his deep voice made me flinch. “Hey, Lilykins.”

Lilykins. I’d hated that name from the very second he’d first called me it in second year. My anger flamed up within me, and I snapped, “Go away, Potter.”

“Is that any way to treat a _friend?”_ Potter’s grin sent heat flying through my veins. Everything bad about today came welling up within me and I stopped short. 

“Leave me the fuck alone!” The whisper of the word truce kept me from saying anything worse, though the whisper was soon extinguished. Potter still couldn’t get a fucking clue and I just wanted to be alone. 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Evans. I’m just trying to spend some quality time-” He never got to finish. I felt red hot, burning from my very core. 

“Why can’t you take a hint? Stop being so pathetic and let me be!” I could tell my words had sunk in by the way his fists clenched. “You’re unbearable!” 

“You’re not exactly a bunch of flowers, Evans! Excuse me for trying to be friends with you!” We were shouting at each other now, our voices echoing off of the stone walls. 

_“Friends,”_ I spat, my voice venomous. My eyes narrowed as I shook my head, laughing bitterly. “All you care about is a quick lay, it’s all you’ve _ever_ wanted from me. I’m so sick of your shit, James Potter!”

“A quick _lay?_ Are you fucking joking? If I wanted sex, you think _you’d_ be the first person I’d go to?” His voice was harsh, and his chest was heaving as he shouted at me. Potter shook his head, anger radiating off of him. “You’re incredibly presumptuous, Evans!”

“Yeah? You’re an incredible git!” My own chest was heaving and I was sure my face was red and blotchy, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. “Everything you’ve ever done to me has been annoying and prattish and fucking _pathetic!”_

“Fine! I’m done. I’m _done_ with you, Lily Evans!” Potter’s robes swayed as his arms moved about, and I could practically see the blood pumping through his veins. My own anger faded quickly and I felt as if I was falling, crashing and burning to the ground. 

“Goodbye, James.” I did not know why I said his first name, only that those two words were all I could say before I broke down. Every word we’d said to each other finally hit me, and I turned on my heel and walked as fast as could away from him. I ended up in the back corner of library, sobbing quietly. 

I was atrocious. Who was I to call anyone pathetic when I was practically the very definition of it? I knew I was not beautiful, but Potter had practically destroyed the crumbling self-confidence I had. 

_If I wanted sex, you think you’d be the first person I’d go to?_

God, how stupid could I be? I knew I wasn’t exactly thin, or tall, or even fashionable. I was just average, chubby, Lily Evans. I’d never be anything more. 

_I’m done with you, Lily Evans!_

How could everything have been so spoiled? I felt like I was rotting on the inside; sick to my stomach with the thought of how worthless I was. Marley was the one everyone wanted, I was just the know-it-all sidekick. In third year I’d had a boyfriend named Percy Skeeter, which had lasted for about a week. No other boy had ever looked at me twice since then, save for James Potter. 

Finally, I removed myself from the library after what felt like hours. Wiping the wetness from my cheeks with my sleeve, I made my way to the Head dorms, keeping my head down the entire way. I found Marlene and Sirius Black shouting outside the entrance, hands flying wildly. “Well, you must know _something!”_

“If I did would I _be_ here?!”

When I was close enough, I uttered a soft, “Excuse me.” Sirius, who was facing my direction, stopped mid-retort and stared, eyes widening. I knew I probably looked like a mess, my eyeliner probably smudged and streaked and my face blotchy. Marlene whirled around, freezing as well when she saw me. I felt heat burning behind my eyes as tears creeped upon me once again. 

Marlene was the first of us to speak, stepping forward timidly. “Lily, what happened?”

All I could croak out was an emotion-filled, “James,” before I started crying again. Black looked very lost, but obviously I had information on his nearest and dearest, so he could not run. My breath hitching as I tried to speak, I said sharply, “We had...a fight...and things got...mean.”

“Is that what he’s in a huff about? He stormed past me earlier and I couldn’t get him to tell me what he was mad about. He didn’t even let me in your dorms,” Black had a slight pouty face on and I would have laughed had I not been so low. Marley was hugging me now and I tried to control my tears, but it wasn’t working. I’d always been a big crier, crying for hours and hours when I got going. 

Sirius stepped closer to us, weighing each step as if it one wrong move could mean death. I wasn’t angry enough to hex anyone, so he was obviously safe. “What...what was the fight about, Evans?”

I removed Marley from myself slowly and looked him dead in the eye. Summoning all of my courage, I said as clearly as possible, “He’s done with me.” My voice broke on the last word and my hand flew to my mouth as I shook my head. “I need...I need to be alone now, I’m sorry.” 

Without another word, I made my way into our Common Room and dropped all my things on the couch before hurrying to my room. I slammed the door before sliding down it, my arms around my knees. How had everything been so shot to shit? My last year at Hogwarts was a mess so far and I had no doubt it would continue that way. 

Slowly I crawled to my bed, retrieving my bear and hugging him to my chest. “It’s going to be okay,” I whispered, holding him tighter and tighter. I fell asleep like that, laying broken on my floor with a bear clutched to me. I must have looked like a child, but I this was the only thing that didn’t feel totally wrong to do. 

I was yet again awoken by shouts and I recognized Marley and Frank’s voices. I kept my eyes closed and listened, stroking the bear’s soft tufts. “James Potter, you let me in there!” That was Marley. 

“Go away! She’s probably sleeping.” There’s James. 

“Potter, just let us in. Marlene is Lily’s best friend and you’d do well to remember that she won’t hesitate to hex you the second you come out.” I almost smiled when I heard Frank, knowing his words to be more than true. I guess Potter thought they were true too, because I heard footsteps a moment later. 

I sat up, pressing a hand to my head. I’d never washed my face yesterday and I must have slept for more than eight hours because my eyes were crusty and my vision was blurry. My robes felt twisted around me and my neck was a bit stiff. “Black’s looking for you,” Marley informed Potter, seconds away from my door. I couldn’t hear his reply, but it sounded guilty. 

Frank was the one that opened my door, my best friend and my not friend behind him. I felt a blush disgrace my face as they stared. What is it really necessary to stare? My voice was hoarse and squeaky, but I spoke anyway. Well, tried to. "Hey, guys."

"Lily..." I flinched as Marlene drew my name out. "You look like shit."

For some reason, it made me laugh. Frank laughed too, but Potter frowned. I did not look him in the eyes. "Thanks for that, dear." I raised my eyebrows, reaching around for my wand. "Now all of you out of my room before I hex you." 

Potter scurried away, like a child who's trying to play off something he doesnt care about. Marley rolled her eyes and pulled Frank out, calling, "I'll see you at dinner, Lily."

I'd slept _all_ day? I frowned and wondered if I should even bother getting dressed. The watch on the desk read 4:03 PM, and I decided that it wasn't worth wasting a whole new outifit. However, I did want a shower. I was very pleased to find the water pressure was great and the warmth and pressure relaxed me. When I stepped out, my mood had lifted, though I was still unsettled. 

Potter was not in the Common Room and I didn't hear any noise from his room, so I figured he'd gone to the feast early. Perhaps the Marauders had come to collect him, as Potter had been walking me down until yesterday. I hadn't caught him sending spells at anyone yet, which was all the more surprising. Nice job Lily, call the man you may or may not like a pathetic ass just when he seems to be giving up his assery. God damn. 

I kept my head down for most of the feast, only nodding and using one syllable words when I had to. For some reason Black kept glancing at me, as well as Remus. I tried to ignore it as best I could, but I couldn't stop the constant blush. Finally I was alone again in my room, producing little golden sparks from the tip of my wand. I fell asleep thinking about my parents, wondering how they were doing. A hug from dad would have been very useful to me. 

The next day I had Transfiguration first, with the one person I was trying to avoid. He had not talked to me face to face, not since the fight. So when I was comfortably seated, I stared staright ahead, ignoring Marley's sympathetic gazes. My fists clenched when a body dropped into the seat next to mine, and I resisted the urge to flinch. "Evans." Wait what?

I turned to see the one and only Sirius Black sitting in Potter's old seat, looking at me expectantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! I hope you enjoyed my shitty writing. Please leave a comment or a kudos, I really appreciate it! :)


	6. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some partial smut andoartial fluff :D

"James." The moan left my lips in a sigh of lust as he kissed my neck, pulling me tighter against him. My fingers were run through his soft, black hair, pulling and tugging as I attempted to control some part of my body. James was everywhere, one arm around my waist and the other up my shirt. We were leaning against a wall in some part of the castle which I was too dazed to recognize. The thrill of being caught made it all the more exciting. 

I cupped his cheek in my hand, pulling his mouth to mine once again. He removed his hand from my stomach for a moment to hitch me up on his hips, holding me in place as my legs wrapped around him. He steered us down a hall, pushing me into the stone walls as he stumbled, the cold a deep contrast against the heat coursing through me. We ended up in his bed, him hovering over me as I undid the buttons on his shirt, kissing his torso as I went. Potter's moans turned me on more than anything and I loved the fact that I could make him like that.

"I've wanted this for so long," James is practically panting, but I don't care. I try to find words, but they are buried deep and I cannot reach them. Moans and sighs are all that seem to come up, and so I try to express myself the way I need to. Maybe this was good, because in the next moment my shirt was gone as well. My hands slid down his body, learning the way his muscles tensed at my touch until I reached the button of the jeans he donned. 

James had not been idle while I was exploring and I gave a cry of surprised pleasure when I felt his own fingers exploring a part of me only I'd ever gone before. One word rocketed from within me amongst all the sensations. "James!" 

I felt his grin on my chest as he began to supply a trail of soft kisses around my breasts, and my body involuntarily arched into his, buzzing. In a burst half fueled by lust, my hand made it's way into his pants, brushing and cupping against his cock. _God, did I want it. "Fuck,_ Lily," his throaty moan pleased me all the more and I found that I was the one grinning now. 

"That's the plan," I breathed, moving my hands to push his jeans off. 

That's when I woke up, my eyes snapped open in surprise. Oh my God. I just had a dream about fucking James Potter. Well, that's where it was _going_ , though it hadn't gotten that far. I felt my cheeks burn as I jumped out of bed, in a hurry to get to a shower. What if he _sees_ me? Grabbing a towel, I pushed through my embarrassment and made my way into the bathroom. I was running a bit late, so I hoped he was gone already. 

My momentary embarrassment ceased as the water massaged my skin, washing away the dirt from sleep. Despite my objections, my mind continued to recall the dream and different parts and how _good_ it had been. I dropped the temperature down a few degrees in the shower, trying to wash away my dirty thoughts as well. 

Hell, where had that even come from? I'd only had one kiss in my entire life for Christ's sake! Shaking off my confusion, I stepped out of the shower. Just when I realized that I hadn't brought any clothes in to change into, I realized my towel barely covered me. Praying to every higher power, I threw open the bathroom door, half sprinting to my room. I guessed the higher powers were trying to humiliate me today, because I ran smack into James Potter. My hand flew to his chest and instantly my dream slapped me in the face. 

With a blush that matched my wavy, auburn hair, I gaped at him. Struggling to cover all parts of me, I stepped around him without a word. Careful to protect the skin that wasn't exposed, I made my way up across the room before slamming the door shut and throwing the towel off. Why did my life have to be so messed up? The guy who used to like me who I now like had just seen me practically naked right _after_ he'd stopped liking me?

I stopped short, realizing that I had admitted I liked James. I could deny it in my head all I wanted, but a sick twist in my stomach told me the truth. Lily Evans, the stubborn bitch, liked James Potter, the jock who could do no wrong, and there was nothing she could do about it. Oh, what had I gotten myself into?

This time when I left my room, supplies in hand, Potter _was_ gone. Walking down to the Great Hall was slow, because I seemed to be stuck in limbo. I had changed so drastically, so totally that everything was upside down. I barely talked to Marlene or Frank, I thought about James Potter more than was ever necessary, and I just didn't care anymore. My life was slipping through my fingers like sand and I was the only one to blame. Maybe the doctors were right. 

Shaking my head, I entered the Great Hall, spotting Marley and Frank easily. I was still too shook up to want to eat, but I couldn't deny the breakfast looked scrumptious. Slipping onto the bench across from the couple, I smiled weakly at them. "Morning."

Furrowing her brows, Marlene looked me up and down. "You look...frazzled, Lils." 

"I just had a...strange dream." My cheeks trying to betray me, I changed the subject and turned to Frank. "How's your mum?"

"She's alright..." He was hesitant and I nodded sympathetically. Frank's mother had gotten very sick last year and almost didn't make it. Fortunately, she'd recovered and was back to her old self. I hoped my mother never got sick like that, it would be terrible. 

"You never told me what Black wanted," Marley diverted the subject yet again, and I almost sighed in relief. This was an easier subject. 

Grabbing a cinnamon roll, I plucked at it with my fingers, "I don't know. He never specifically said anything, just sat there looking like a dumb idiot. Didn't even turn around to talk to Potter once."  
"Strange." Marlene looked down at her half-full plate, brows furrowing. Looking up she said softly, "You'd think he would have taken his side, considering, you know..."

I only nodded, giving a stiff smile. The Marauders themselves were a dozen or so people down from us, and even they seemed subdued today. Looking around, I noticed everyone's heads seemed to be down and the usual roar had dulled to a low buzz. Tilting my head I looked at Frank, "Was there an attack?"

They looked around as well, frowning at everyone's somber mood. Frank tapped a third year's shoulder and borrowed their copy of the Daily Prophet, skimming through the articles. "A muggle family in Little Whinging was murdered...Muggle police are stumped, but our side suspects dark magic..."

My stomach dropped as I stared at the cinnamon roll, a whole new grey shroud falling over me. This war was tearing everything apart, and I felt a pang of fear for my family. Over and over again muggles like them were being tortured and murdered and ripped from their homes. What if something happened to my parents? It would be all my fault. 

Sick to my stomach now, I looked helplessly at Marlene. She nodded and looked at her plate as well, her eyes glazing over. I needed to get out of here. Shoving roughly away from the table, I practically sprinted out of the Great Hall and didn't stop untilI reached the grounds. It was still early September, so the leaves had not completely changed, but I could feel Autumn approaching. 

The fresh, crisp, air was welcome against my skin and I almost smiled. Almost. The outdoors had a way of making my spirits lift. "Alright, Evans?" Whipping around, I spotted the guy who'd spoken; Andrew Deltan. Andrew was a seventh year Ravenclaw, someone I barely knew but still had known enough of. A blush rising to my face, my mond reminded me that I thought he was cute.

"Oh...yes, I'm fine." It was awkward, standing outside with a cute boy my age who seemed so much more at ease than me. "Yourself?"

Andrew looked down, a small frown disgracing his face. "Yeah, alright I guess...shame about those people." Something struck me as I listened to him speak and then I realized what was different. He'd said _people_ not muggles. I smiled, a sudden urge to touch him welling up inside me. 

"Well, the war'll end eventually and then everything can get better. In the meantime we'll all have each other," I walked towards him, my hand brushing against his shoulder. My blush beginning to rise again, full force, and I let it slip away and walked back towards the entranced. 

"I'm glad I'll have you!" He called after me and I fought the urge to squeak as happiness bubbled inside me. Maybe I didn't need Potter, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I finally finished this chapter! It's a bit shorter than I'd like, but I feel like it's okay. Before I get the next one up I'd like to have a few more kudos or comments, so help me with that! :) i hope you enjoyed!


	7. Goodnight and Good Be With You All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not a chapter technically.

I am so sorry to say that I'm permanently moving Burned into the attic. I've lost the inspiration and ideals for what I had in mind for it and I don't think I could do it justice anymore. I never really did it any in the first place. Since I've given up on this fic, I figured I have enough decency and foresight to tell you what was going to happen.

Sirius and Lily were going to fake a relationship to make James jealous. James is rumored to have a mystery girl that isnt Lily and it's true. Remus admits to Lily that he's gay. Lily gets to know James's mystery girl and feels guilty for trying to undermine their relationship because it turns out the girl is sweet and kind. Lily calls off the relationship with Sirius, who tells her that he wishes someone loved him like Lily loved James. Marlene is acting odd and admits to Lily that she doesn't love Frank, only likes him a great deal. They end up breaking up as well. James' girlfriend is caught cheating on him and Lily and James talk and kiss. Eventually they get together and that's right around where the story in seventh year ends. We fast forward to the night Lily and James die. Sirius is distraught and off the handle and goes to Remus's house. Before entering he looks in the window and sees Remus crying and ripping up pictures of Sirius and himself. Sirius remarks that he knows now how it feels to be hated by someone you love. End. 

So that was my original plan before I got off track. I may be revamping it in the future, but right now I'm focusing on a different jily fic and a supernatural fic. I'm sorry again! Good day/night!


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